Should I Go Steady? - Pt.1

Should I or should I not go steady?
Tough question? Not really actually … that is if you keep your emotions under check and use the head a little instead. Problem sometimes is we allow our hormones to rule! Anyway, here’s a scenario.

SCENE #1
This gal finally enrolled into college. And then came along a spider (that’s from a movie title). Ok then she met him. She and him hooked up pretty fast and in just very short months decided that they would go steady. Now that sounds very romantic, maybe fairy-tale like right?
SCENE #2
“Why are you always like that one? Can’t stand you any more”. “Always late as usual. And I really don’t like you going out with that bunch of friends of yours”. “Why can’t you sacrifice a little bit? Always must do things your way”. “Maybe it’s better for us if we just break up”.
SCENE #3
“Dear. Could you please call me? I’m really sorry. I’ll try to change. Give me another chance please … please. I cannot stop thinking of you. Please don’t leave me. Please!”
SCENE #4
“Pastor, I am so confused. We’ve been together 2 years and we’ve broken up and patched up couple of times. On one hand it’s such a waste to give up this relationship after two years. But then again I am not really happy being with him. I don’t really see much future with him. What shall I do? Shall I give him one more chance? Maybe this time he will really change”

Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. But sometimes could have been avoided in the first place. So much hurt, so much sadness. I know how it’s like. I’ve been there … done it. When I was teaching in a girl school in PJ (twice weekly) repeatedly I told the girls it’s ok to like someone (opposite sex ok!) and have someone like you … but DON’T GO STEADY! Would they listen? Would you listen? Time and again I had to counsel with the broken hearted. I don’t blame them. They’re just sixteen and at that age, feeding on romance movies and novels, what do you expect? And those days they don’t even have internet! Those were the “pen-pal” days where people “chat” through handwritten letters. You find a name with a little biography attached in a magazine and then you connect through letter and walla! …. you’ve got yourself a pen-pal! Eh I’ve got some from overseas too! We exchanged photos and wrote. It was fun looking out for the postman every other week! Very intense. Ok … back on to the subject about not going steady.

See when a guy likes you or you like that guy it’s exciting. You try to steal a look, engineer yourself to be at the right place at the right time, try to flash a smile, accidentally bump into each, say hello, etc. Ok. Let me not get into that mushy …. mushy stuff. If a guy likes you he will do what he can to get to know you, make you happy, do things for you. He’s afraid you may not like him so he will be at his best to impress you … change if he has to. Maybe once he hated Geography but now he loves it because you like Geography too. Long story short, he will always “chase” you … even around the coconut trees if he has to just like in the movies! As long as he hasn’t succeeded in getting your affection … yet, he will go crazy a bit and keep at his best to impress you. A year, two, maybe more, he will still come after you. But if he gives up steam and quit, then he is not a worthy “opponent” and can you thank God. You don’t want those quick “hit and run” type. But let’s say you like him too, a lot, and one day he asks if you would go steady with him and you say … YES! What happens next? Apart from that “Oooh this is the best day of my life. I am the happiest person on earth. You make me feel brand new”, really what happen next? What happen to friendship that turns into intimate relationship? What happen NOW THAT I BELONG TO YOU AND YOU BELONG TO ME?

You both get into the PERMISSIVE mode. What you can’t do before now you can. Before he can’t kiss you, now it’s ok. If fact it feels so romantic when he does that. Before you wouldn’t let him to hold your hand. Now if feels so good to be hugged by him. Couples get very touchy at this stage and after a while the physical closeness eventually leads to sexual intimacy. That’s the natural course of a relationship. It has to do with hormones too. Many couples think they are strong, that they will not succumb, but truth is eventually the temptation gets too strong to handle. And soon sexual intimacy becomes a part of the relationship. And what happen next? I mean you are not married YET and you won’t be for years to come because you are still young, and maybe you don’t have the resource to get married. Perhaps your boyfriend is still in college. Maybe he is not ready to take on the responsibilities of being a husband, a bread earner. What happen when both of your get bored with sex? And not forgetting the pressure and stress of wondering if you are pregnant!

But that’s not just that! In this permissive mode couples take each other for granted. Now that he’s got you or you’ve got him, and now that the thrill of the chase is over, the true nature or the true colors begin to surface. Before, he was the most understanding person EVEN though you have only known each other short time. Now, he’s selfish, lazy, not caring, etc. But the truth is he’s been like that all his life! Ask his parents! They know but hey … didn’t you notice that earlier before you went steady? You see, before he thought you were the smartest person he’s met but now he keeps reminding you that you are not that smart a person after all. Couple of months, a year and you see the negative side of him (or her) and you get disappointed, bored and hey … you are still so young and in actuality you begin to realize that you are not ready for a lifelong relationship. BUT … you are committed! You have gone steady with him. You have to remain faithful. You realize that you have spent more time with him and had neglected your once good friends and buddies and you’re wondering “how did that happen”.

Honestly, how many of your friends who have gone steady today are still faithful to each other? How many of them eventually got married and settled in? How many of your friends have either broken up or are breaking up with their steady? How many of your friends are still together but fighting all the time? I have met so many couples and they are experiencing marital problems even though they are not yet married! What happen to the romance? Do you not know there are many “two-timers” out there! Worse yet, what if one day you find out your steady is a gay? Maybe you are thinking of getting out of that relationship BUT … BUT … committed already lor. So many years together already lor. What to do? Hope for the best lor. Does the high rate of divorce in our country, in the world mean anything to you? Hello!

Courting period is one of the best years in one’s life. I thank God mine was a healthy one but I have seen so many spoiling it, stress out, depress all simply because they couldn’t wait and they thought going steady was so cool. I literally rejoiced when I broke off with my girlfriend during my courting time but there was no damage done because we didn’t get ourselves into trouble. Neither did we feel obligated to have to continue on because we didn’t have a commitment. Some of my friends were not so fortunate. They had to get married. No choice.

I have provided a brief explanation here as to why it is not so cool to go steady. Next week we will look at the other side of the coin. You will appreciate why it is better not go steady. Till then if you need to, use the “shout box” or post your comment here. Don’t forget … I am not done yet.