Shall I Go Steady? - Pt.2

This is a continuation from the previous week. Make sure you read last week’s blog before you take on this one.

Courting periods are one of the best times in life. Don’t ruin it by going steady! Let me state the benefits of “not going steady”.
1. You don’t belong to one another. When you are not going steady you therefore do not “belong” to each other. And THEREFORE you don’t get into that “Permissive Mode” where things you ordinarily would not allow a guy to do to you are now ok with you. Kissing for example. Teenagers, college students, nowadays are hugging and kissing even in public places, getting so physically intimate with each other … and YOU KNOW for sure they are not at all ready to take on the responsibilities of an adult, nor the role of a husband let alone a parent! Now we know sex is a very powerful emotion … like hunger that demands to be gratified. With such closeness it’s hard not to be tempted to get yourself into trouble doing things you know you should not only to regret later.
2. You can “groom” each other. Take for example, kindness. If a guy likes you bad enough, he wants to be at his best so he can capture your heart and your affections. He will go the extra mile for you, quit smoking because of you. You can “train” him to be a better person, cultivate in him good habits like kindness, patience. You will be in the position to influence him and he will avail himself to your influence because he wants your love bad. As long as you are not going steady with him he knows you are not obligated to stay with him and that you can still date other guys so he will be at his best for you! Take advantage of this and “groom” him. In reality it is not likely you can find someone who would fit your profile of the perfect man (or woman) in your life. But what you have … you have influence. You can mentor, you can “groom”. BUT …. Let me stress this again … BUT … IF … you go steady then you kill the joy of courtship! Since now you both “belong” to each other you are both “controlled” by this premature commitment. You will start taking each other for granted and soon enough you’ll get bored, second thoughts, maybe even regretted that you had started it in the first place. If you are still very young, take your time. Don’t go steady.
3. You can explore other possibilities at a future time. How do you know you are ready to be his husband, the father of your children? Especially when you are not 17? How do you know for sure he or she is the right one for you? What if you start going to college, or start working and the world around you begin to evolve … begin to change? See, when you are 25 years old, you don’t think like when you were 16, or 18 or 22. Your world no longer evolves around students. It’s now working people! Mature adults. It’s like all your life you lived in a village and now you are in the city! Things are different. You can’t wear the clothes that you once loved! It’s not … in fashion. Adults don’t dress like this!!! As you are caught into this flow of life, you’ll soon discover your values begin to change; your likes and dislikes begin to change. Then you met this guy … gal. BUT …you’ve already got a steady. How? Breakup? So easy meh? I don’t think I need to elaborate.
4. If you don’t go steady, you are not bound and you don’t want to be bound when you are not yet at the age where you are not ready for a lifetime commitment! Come on. When you are 17, 18, 19 what do you know about the realities of the adult world? Let me put it this way. If your niece who is 13 years old and falls in love with a 14 year old boy and comes to you for advice saying that she will ever love anyone else but him, how would you counsel? Think about yourself! I have counseled so many who felt they have made a serious judgment in getting involved with a guy years ago. Now it’s hard to break up. She’s not enjoying her life but because she had lost her virginity to him, she could not leave him. While her friends are doing well … some overseas … she felt she’s stuck with him and he’s not nice like he was years before. I see this so very often.
It’s nice to fall in love, to have someone special in your life. It’s the way God designed us. But there’s a right approach and a wrong approach to these matters in life. What we decide today will determine our tomorrows. Don’t rush things. Walk with God. Walk with the right principles in life. Walk with the counsel of your parents. They’ve been there.
If a guy confesses his love and wants you to be his steady, and if you too like that guy, here’s an alternative. Don’t go steady. Tell him you like him and you would love going out with him but you would not want to make a commitment as yet ‘cos you both don’t know what lies ahead, and if you both would feel the same way years from now. Tell him that when he is finally an adult and is in the position to be a husband, a good provider (i.e. if he’s got a steady job, is able to financially be responsible to start a permanent relationship) then he can propose to you. In the meantime you are not bound. You can still date others, explore. Of course he will still be “chasing” after you. He will work on himself, better himself, focus, work hard … you know … like a bird preparing his nest first so he can provide a place for its mate! One day finally, he comes to you knowing he is now ready and in the position to start a permanent relationship, to be a good provider, (his nest is built up) and he wants you to be his wife and he comes proposing, and if you know that’s what you want then say yes …yes … yes... and plan for the marriage. That’s a good way to start a married life.
I have seen so many couples living together for years, quarreling like husbands and wives but they are not yet married because they are not financially sound to start a married life. Don’t earn enough. Can’t afford to buy a house. Career didn’t take off, etc. Stuck in a rut, life goes on for them. Eventually one day they finally get married. But the ceremony is meaningless. They have been living together so long like husband and wife. I know what I have proposed here is not easy. But give it some thoughts. Learn from it. Marriage is a God’s idea and if you do it right, it’ll last you your lifetime. Don’t end up being a victim of divorce and separation. Remember, there’s a right approach and there’s a wrong approach.
Ok. Feel free to comment.